Archive for the 'Misc.' Category

Why We Care

I’ve been contemplating why we care so deeply when we lose famous people. Why is it someone that we’ve never met, and probably never would have, has impacted us so greatly we genuinely grieve when they’re lost to us as a person?

Listening to music from some of those we lost this year, many songs struck me as pertinent. So many in fact, they should be an MTV or VH1 channel. These songs each individually express how I feel, yet do not encompass all my emotions. As these multitude of emotions freely flowed, I witnessed a pattern. I think i see why I care. In case this matches your feelings of hurt and loss, I thought I’d share. 

Losing someone who touched me, whose artistry resonated with my very sense of self, feels like I’ve lost part of me. And I have, I’ve lost friends, family, relationships, youth, naïvety, TIME. Knowing these amazing public figures, many of whom literally defined stages or moments of our life, are gone means we can’t have those moments back. 

This is hard. 

I don’t want to be reminded of all I’ve lost, all that’s been, all that I can’t have back. Yet…

As I go down memory lane I find myself smiling more than grieving. Remembering the good times and the losses with a sense of renewed vigor. I’ve had a pretty good run and am so touched that I was open to the sweet touch of genius shared with us all. 

Grieve, remember and move on to the enjoy your next moment, the next artist who comes into our lives. I think Prince’s Pop Life is the right way to sign off. 

 

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Inturge

Where Intuition and Urges meet.

There is a plethora of science that looks at how are biases impact our “intuition”. We also know that gut feelings can be powerful and detrimental if not heeded.

So what is occurring? The science effectively shows that “intuition” is the  subconscious sharing a plethora of experience and data on a given situation more quicky than the cognitive mind can (or wants to) process.

We also know that many times this data is trash, as our biases interefere with seeing situations for what they really are. When we have no valid data or only bad  experiences with a certain situation or group of people, we don’t really have a reason for “intuition” to be valid.

So how do we learn to see when our “intuition” is helping not hurting? By looking at inturge in our life. 

Do you, or can you even, slow down and see when a gut feeling is actually an urge? What is the difference even?

How often do you shop, eat, interact, make daily life decisions based on your gut? If this is common I would argue you are following your inturge’s! Those feelings may be little more than satisfying our emotional or physical drives, rather than a voice guiding us into better choices. 

Slow down! Think on, is this decision really making my day better! Or is it simply I’m on autopilot?! Make the choice every day to feed better data and experiences to your wonderful mind! It won’t be long until your “intuition” is making for a better set of choices and outcomes. 

The Balance

Met a truly interesting person that does not use Facebook, never used a dating app, and per their own words “lives in a bubble”. I really enjoyed hearing how their life, sans kids, is unstructured, and they don’t worry about the news or the world or even time. I truly strive to attain that mindset for even one hour a week!!!

As talked more, my conversation partner admitted it can actually be problematic to check out so thoroughly, so often. That they end up not accomplishing necessary life tasks and miss out on connecting with their fellow human beings.

I was left contemplating balance since that discussion, specifically balance in all parts of our lives. I believe one of the most important reasons to stay open to new experiences is that it provides new data. Data that helps us recognize when we have become to stuck in our ways and out of balance. 

When we are out of balance is when we are most likely to shy away from the new and unknown. Yet, that is when we need it the most.

I wonder if it would help if we ask our friends to keep us on our toes? Or schedule random events we can’t cancel? Or is it just good old mindful self-awareness and honesty that makes some open and some closed to the new? 

The Darkness

Just finished reading the Tale of Despereaux with my children. I was struck (who can avoid it with the point being bludgeoned over the head of the dear reader) by the necessity of the story. How often do we have our own struggle for with darkness so starkly revealed? Is this not why we are so crazy for Star Wars and Super Heroes (among other reasons)?

We know that negativity, bad memories, negative experiences, fear and hate to be more powerful in our brains. Yet, science also teaches us that positivity and happiness are more powerful. This is why tools like taking in the good and holding on to our good experiences just a few seconds longer, are life changers.

Today I saw a woman who literally, spent her whole shopping trip berating her child and the people shopping with her. Making everything out to be their fault and just making the experience an overall painful time for anyone near them. The cherry on top of her hateful day, was cursing at an employee who came over to help with a scanning problem. This woman is a prime example of someone who deserves our empathy, but who also clearly need to desperately work on her struggle with the darkness inside.

The employee she yelled and cursed at, appears to fall on the other side of this line of human interaction. After being cursed at, she not only continued to go about her job, she did it with a smile on her face.

So dear reader, I ask you, which of these human beings would you rather be on any given day? And if the answer is the latter, what are you doing about it? Are you working to keep the darkness that exists at bay? To not allow new darkness and hate inside? And to try and replace all that negativity with strong memories of love, happiness and good?

Motivation

What motivates you? How much of that is tied up in how you view yourself and how you “think” others view you? How does this internal dialogue fuel or damp your motivation?

I find motivation in all the oddest places of late. Less in how I want to be viewed, or even view myself, and more in how I want to feel at the end of each day. Am I satisfied with what I accomplished? Equally as important am I satisfied with how I accomplished it?

Knowing I helped someone I don’t know, getting the dishes done, the smile on my children’s face when they are being goofy. These have all motivated me in the last 48 hours. 

Make sure your motivation is actually that, something thay drives you to improve and be satisfied with each, even on the bad ones when we take steps backwards. 

 

The View from Within

One would think it’s always cozy. I personally don’t know a quantum self who feels this way. Even the most level headed, successful person is wracked with negativity, self-loathing-doubt-hate. All of which cramp our mental living space and make the view rather cloudy.  

The typically cloudy weather with a sense of doubt, like fog in Newfoundland, is just the start. Our internal perspective is farcically inaccurate. From this masquerade we create our personal stories, stories which guide, or even dictate, each interaction with the world around us.  

Oh the stories we tell! It’s as if we were all born mentally Irish! I can be successful or a failure, happy or sad, kind or mean. I am author of my everyday tale, and can decide anytime to be protagonist or antogonist, hero or villain, royalty or peasantry. How we craft the tale begets our own filterpretation of reality.

Magically Say I, we have to have these stories. They matter! They create our sense of self-existence. We are nothing without them, yet they are nothing. How easy it should be to simply craft a new story. Yet, this is the paradox of creation. 

If we do not accept our stories as do-it-yourself and self-guided, we let our reality become fixed and constant. And the story begins to write us. When this happens we simply react to our world rather than designing our reactions.

We cannot control what happens around to us and others. What makes humans so brilliant and amazing, is that we can and do control how we react. Work on the view from within and we may all find a better view when we go out. 

Dread Pirate Dating

Good night Wesley. Good Dating. I’ll most likely break up with you in the morning

Does dating ever feel like this for you? Are you constantly worrying what happens next and seeking “consistency”? Do you tend to settle on a person that may not be a good long term fit to avoid the Dread Pirate Dating?

As I’ve re-entered the dating scene I have noticed several very common tropes related to this idea. Folks on dates the same night they been broken up with or broke up with someone. People who are dating horrible matches just to “have” someone. Friends who are constantly hiding bits of themselves, because they’re afraid to be broken up with over trivial  matters. I’ve even found myself trying to avoid the Dread Pirate!

Here’s the thing, It’s all a matter of perspective! If you are truly comfortable with oneself, having some alone time, or not seeing someone seriously should not be an issue. If you have to hide part of who you are, you shouldn’t be dating that person. In the end, we aren’t guaranteed any tomorrow’s, so why are we afraid of them? 

We all need to spend more time loving ourselves, becoming better people and better versions of us. And less time settling or hiding out of fear.  


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